| OOPS, WRONG PRIORITIESThe executive in charge | | | | resolve.Linguistically deconstructed, the |
| of your conscious mind has to go to lunch | | | | statement "I was only trying to help." reads |
| sometimes, or may otherwise be occupied. | | | | as follows:only = attempt to minimise, |
| Review the following quote and you may begin | | | | trivialise, or discount involvement.trying = |
| to wonder if the CEO of this speaker's | | | | lack of commitment, little expectation of |
| conscious mind hadn't taken a week's | | | | success, or lack of real intention to assist |
| holiday:"I put everything on the line for | | | | in the resolution of the issue or |
| this chance to show what I was really made | | | | problem.Review the following quotes and |
| of: my reputation, my job, my house, my | | | | intuit their real meaning."We're merely |
| financial future, the kid's welfare, the man | | | | trying to create a level playing field.""What |
| I've have been married to for fifteen | | | | we're trying to do is balance the interests |
| years..."Here, the speaker's unconscious | | | | of the timber industry with those of the |
| leakage turns into a torrent. Adopt the | | | | environmental lobby.""I can only put your |
| position of the man married to the speaker | | | | proposal to cabinet and test its |
| for the past fifteen years. How do you | | | | reaction.""We are trying to resolve a |
| imagine you would respond to this wonderful | | | | difficult situation"You may have intuited |
| tale of womanly courage? Would you be | | | | deeper meanings similar to the following:"We |
| inspired to spend the next fifteen years with | | | | are covering up our callous disregard for the |
| her, or would fifteen minutes be about as | | | | human misery caused by our policies by |
| much as you could take?We may not articulate | | | | presenting a level playing field as |
| our priorities exactly in the order embraced | | | | self-evident imperative.""We know we don't |
| at the deeper unconscious level, but in the | | | | have a hope in hell of achieving an equitable |
| above example the extremes are so clearly | | | | balance of interests but we have to be seen |
| delineated that it's patently obvious the | | | | to be making an attempt. ""I am not committed |
| speaker would rarely, if ever, put her family | | | | to helping you but will go through the |
| first. Adding insult to injury, the speaker | | | | motions. ""We have little confidence in our |
| unconsciously 'leaked' her emotional distance | | | | ability and are softening you all up for an |
| from her husband. "My" as you know implies | | | | inevitable disappointment."Notice how |
| closeness. The combination of turning her | | | | frequently public figures use words like |
| children into "the kids", her husband into | | | | "try" and "only" and begin to appreciate at a |
| "the man", and the passive language that | | | | deeper level how you get a sense or feeling |
| follows is a certain indication of negligent | | | | of a lack of commitment to what they're |
| parenting and a dead marriage.Be careful in | | | | saying. It's amazing, isn't it, that |
| listing priorities. There are times in public | | | | seemingly intelligent beings can't imagine |
| and vocational life where you will need to | | | | that you sense when they're wriggling out of |
| understand and embrace the priorities of your | | | | making clear promises and assurances or |
| stakeholders and colleagues.I 'LL TRY, | | | | setting you up for a lack of success down the |
| NOT!There's an old saying that goes, "If you | | | | track.Charismatic communicators understand |
| only try, you'll only fail." Because the | | | | that pretending to commit to something helps |
| phrase "only try" is so embedded in our | | | | whittle away the credulity quotient of their |
| linguistic culture, the author probably added | | | | listeners. The key to maintaining your |
| the second "only" to the statement in order | | | | audience's credulity quotient in contexts |
| to drive home the point being made. "Only" is | | | | such as the above is to make clear statements |
| a word that minimises or discounts the | | | | about what you can and will do:In place of |
| meaning of the words or ideas that follow it. | | | | try, say what will specifically do.list the |
| In the case of "only fail" the language | | | | things you will do in sequenceconsider |
| instructs the listener to view failure as | | | | telling people how you will do italert people |
| trivial or inconsequential.The words "merely" | | | | to possible difficultiesassess the likelihood |
| and "just" also devalue the words and ideas | | | | of successrather than "make every effort", |
| that follow them in many contexts. "I was | | | | say what the effort will beCommitment is a |
| merely saying what I thought" reveals an | | | | key factor in the attribution of charismatic |
| attempt to minimise either guilt or | | | | qualities. In becoming a person who does much |
| responsibility and in some cases to transfer | | | | more than "try" you will begin to earn a |
| blame.The word "try" is code for expectation | | | | reputation as someone who is trustworthy and |
| of failure. This word enjoys such ubiquitous | | | | whom can be relied upon to give clear, |
| usage that few listeners would ever interpret | | | | unequivocal assurances that people can act |
| it at the deeper unconscious level to mean | | | | on.(c) Desmond Guilfoyle 2004 - 2006Desmond |
| anything other than a signal of impending | | | | Guilfoyle in an award winning commentator on |
| disappointment or lack of success. Put "try" | | | | influence, persuasion and charisma. He has |
| and "just", "only", or "merely" together and | | | | written three books on those subjects and his |
| you send a potent signal to listeners of | | | | book 'The Charisma Effect' has been published |
| dubious motives and doubtful | | | | in seven languages around the globe. |